Whore In My Purse*
(*When I was talking with my sister on the phone about this article, I told her the article was called “HOLD MY PURSE’. Her cell phone had a temporary disruption and she thought I said ‘WHORE IN MY PURSE’. I thought to myself, hey, that title might get more attention…and if you are reading this, maybe I was right.)
What male over the age of 14 has not been requested [commanded] to “HOLD MY PURSE”? These very words can be heard echoing down the corridors leading to Lady’s Rooms throughout the land. The dreaded words are still ringing in the ears of the lonely soles bannished to the Man Couch outside of the changing rooms in the Women’s Department of every clothing store.
HOLD MY PURSE…FantasiaWear wants to explore this sociological phenomenon from both points of view…Male and Female. Or, maybe, extract the gender bias and discuss the Pros and Cons.
A reasonable request under these circumstances:
1. “Hold my purse, I have to tie my shoe“… Practical, convenient and, most important to the holder, ever so temporary.
2.”Hold my purse, I have to go to the Lady’s Room“…practical and hygienic. Did you know the top fifteen dirtiest every day items are:
- Light Switch
- Computer Keyboard
- Cell Phone
- Toilet Seat
- Shopping Cart
- Remote Control
- Kitchen Sink
- Kitchen Sponge
- Door Knobs
- Fridge Handles
- Car Shifter Knobs
- Bottom of Purses (from being placed on restroom stall floors)
(Euuw..I know, I know…it’s Ok..I’ll wait while you grab a Clorox-wipe…)
Jason L. says -I enjoy the act of holding a girl’s purse for her while she has to do something, because it allows me to dig through it – use her chapstick, check myself out in her mirror, steal a stick of gum, and wave her tampon around like it’s a light saber (“Luke, I am your father…”), etc.-
A less defendable request under these circumstances:
1. “Hold my purse while I try this on“…It’s OK if it is going to happen right there at the clothing rack, like trying on a jacket. Badda-bing, badda-boom, jacket fits or it dosen’t, holder relinquishes purse to you, no harm, no foul. Let’s tag this with the quantatative number of, say, 45 seconds…more than that, it’s ix-nay to the urse-pay. But if you need to relocated to the Changing Room area and purse tending has protracted potential, take the purse with you. Who holds your purse when you are shopping alone and you need to try on pants or a top? Well, then, why relegate your male companion to this task?
Ever notice how some guys hold it like a dead animal…away from their bodies by the bag, not the strap?
We’ve all been to the mall and seen the guy following the girl (who is empty handed), his arms are full of the clothes SHE is going to try on…and, of course, he is also schlepping her purse.
And what’s with the guy continually carrying her purse throughout the store, and her hands are empty? (Wait just a dog-gone minute, is that picture below in a HARDWARE store?!…please relinquish your MAN-CARD to the cashier on your way out.)
2. “I’m tired of holding my purse…here, it’s your turn“…maybe step it up to level 4 on your next few visits to LA Fitness…help to escalate you purse toting endurance. Consider downsizing your ‘carry-on’ to a lighter, smaller shoulder bag (look in that caverness satchel, we both know you don’t need half of that stuff in there). And here’s a radical last resort…pockets! That’s why God invented pockets…folding money, ID, credit cards, car key (singular)…split ’em up in a couple of pockets and you’ll have virtually no adverse impact on your ever so sleek silhouette.
Besides, there’s a good chance your purse will do nothing for the outfit he is wearing, and certainly a low probability it will match his shoes!
You, as a couple, can always negociate: “I’ll hold your purse if you promise not to want to spoon after sex and talk about our feelings.”
Also, keep in mind, often men will hold anything, if it hurrys up the anguishing shopping process they have to endure.
3. “Mind if I put my wallet and keys in your purse?“…Dude, think this one through…if you ask her this question, you immediately forfeit all future rights to whine about holding her purse. (You’re welcome, ladies…I know some of you were thinkin’ it, so I was happy to say it for us!)
(Just for us gals. Hey…whaaat? It’s on topic.)
Now, let’s speculate on the ever elusive “WHY?” …Why ask a spouse or boyfriend to hold her purse? Why does the man agree to hold her purse? What is the hidden meaning? What is the sub-text?
1. She just needs demonstrable reassurance of his love.
2. It’s just the polite thing to do.
3. It confirms teamwork during the shopping process.
4. It shows the world they are a couple without intimacy issues.
5. It show the world she wears the pants in the relationship.
6. It shows the world her man is secure with his manhood.
7. It shows the world her man might be wearing her lace panties under those Dockers.
8. It shows the world her man is thoughtful and considerate of her needs.
9. She is a controling bitch.
10. He wants to cleverly gain access to her cell phone in her purse to see if that last ‘mystery’ call was really from her brother…or from her ex-boyfriend.
11. He needs to ‘borrow’ some money for lunch tomorrow…she’ll never miss it (insert evil laugh here).
12. If he holds her purse, the odds might go up that he might get laid that night.
13. Always thinking of others, she wants to keep him safe from any restroom stall microbes.
14. Her purse is packed with too much stuff, is too heavy and just plain makes her arm sore.
“Hold my purse”…Three little words that have the power to collapse even the most burly of men into a quivering, testosterone-evaporating mound of gender-doubting angst.
Opinions and comments are, of course, encouraged and welcome.
-Natalie Larson- info@FantasiaWear.com
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Seattle, WA 253-927-7766
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